I am sitting in a casa in the middle of the countryside in the middle of a south-central province (is it a province? A district?) in the middle of Portugal.
I am working to let go and be present to the moment at hand.
I am learning that I am finding it very, very difficult to be present in the moment I find myself. To be present. To just. .. be.
I have managed to slough off the daily pressures of work and of my routine non-routines (I mean, really... who am I kidding? I have predictable routines. Much to my chagrin.) for the most part. I have had moments where I have lost sensory-sight to my "typical" life. If that makes sense. I was in the moment for a fleeting blip just a moment ago. Taking in the place and space and sight and sound if where I find myself. For a fleeting moment.
I have realized that I so have not yet mastered being in the present moment. I have skirted that state, danced at its edges... many moments on this trip I have done that.
I have not yet fully let go and dropped fully in, though.
I am asking myself why that is. Am I afraid that in doing so I will lose what has been up to now?
We live in masks and mirrors, we do. Really.
We only ever have - truly - the moment we find ourselves in. Why not lose ourselves in them?
How much would we truly find if we did?
My soul wants to know...