Hmmm. First of all, I recognize that the term 'God' is a stumbling block for so very many in the world - to the point of inaccessibility for them, in personal search for truth and understanding. Here in the Western world (we of privilege, we of abundance, we of opportunity boundless), we can access that term with ease. However, the connotations that the Western world has weighted that name with has been to point of exclusion of the other half of the world. Literally.
It is a name I have been grappling with for about two decades now, myself. There are two sides to the coin of 'God.' Those who belief without hesitation or question, what/who God is, with definitive terms and boundaries and deliveries. Like God is so very easy to wrap up in a bow and present to our pea-brain finiteness in easy embrace and acceptance. 'On tap' to drink from like beer at a bar-top... 'pour up another dose of holiness, please, I'm thirsty' kind of thing. Some claim the blind see when God is embraced in a certain context. It would seem the seeing is only to deliver comfort to lifestyles and rooted living in the here and now, right here in this Western comfort zone in which we live. There is a whole lotta doing going on - some of it good and kind, I will attest - but it would seem to me there is not a whole of being going on. A perennial state of humanity, really.
I've seen (and been) a good amount damaging behaviour in the modern-day belief constructs of 'God' in current embrace and expression that I grew up in - not just externally to those outside that belief circle, but also within its ranks... there is a certain rampant cannibalism that has been present from the beginning. Human nature, I suppose, that battle of 'shadow versus light', like one must eradicate the other. But that's a whole other topic, not one for this journal question.
Do I sound jaded? Maybe.
And then there are those who do not have things so neatly tied up and packaged for consumption - they have very different expressions of belief in which things are not so neatly tied up, are not so constructed or restricted or 'final' and are expressed in manifest ways and places and spaces, with external tools and resources and rites to express such relationship. I know so little of these expressions and I desire to learn and understand the richness of this tapestry of belief and expression. So I am learning.
There is one other expression - those who believe there is no higher power, there is no divine presence. The most most peaceful, ironically, it seems to me. While I personally do not subscribe, I fully respect their personal expression and chosen life path. Their expression is as valid and real as my own.
So what would I ask God and why?
I would ask why 'God' has allowed for so many rich and magnificent and profound and hopeful belief constructs in this world - and where almost all of them have been author of incredible sadness and destruction and exclusion and derision. Where wars have been harboured and fed by their precepts as necessary for the defense and pursuit of their brand of faith. I would ask 'God' why peace continues to elude humanity - and allude to the factions they are right, and only they are right. I would ask 'God' why, if we as humanity are an expression of the Universe (made up of stardust as we are) to come to know itself, in communion, do we as humanity not see and understand and know accordingly, as the collective? Why do the belief structures war on each other?
Why do the belief structures not hold to their Universal tenet, "Treat your neighbour as yourself" fully? Full stop. No censor. No expectations. No demands. No promises. No nothing but KINDNESS in action? Why?
I recognise that my questioning the foundation of my life in which I grew up will set some close to me into discomfort, maybe distress. They will see me as 'lost, damned.' To that I say, 'bollocks.' Label me an apostate if you must. I, however, am on a sojourn, a journey of discovery.
Right now, right here, I certainly claim status of Seeker. I refuse to fence out possibilities beyond my own personal experiences to date. There is so very much I question, on all levels. There is so very much to come to understand, from a multitude of perspectives. This is a Big Universe in which we live. We cannot comprehend its vastness. We are only beginning to discover its structure and makeup and activity. Our time-bound existence cannot penetrate its timeless reality.
I do much rather spend my time understanding those around me, from every walk and space, and discover the richness of their belief and expression of 'God' and the personal relationship they have cultivated as they in their expression show the Universe itself.
Maybe I will come full circle back to the roots of my upbringing. Maybe not. Whatever shall be, I am seeking truth, personal truth. Expression, personal expression. Relationship, personal relationship. With 'God.' Great Spirit, Universe, God, Divine... ultimately the name derivative chosen is our personal expression of connection to that beyond us, bigger than us, infinite around us.
I think God's answer to my 'why?' is a simple one: "Because it's personal. It's personal."
Blessings to you, for you, by you, with you -- as you, me, humanity seek out the mysteries of existence and personal connection to that greater Divine mystery and expression. My love to you, I see you.
first-pass write, no edits... my heart in this moment, that's how it rolls...